Sunday, December 20, 2009

Hints for shared wives

Once I got past the idea that my husband was a pervert or something because he wanted to share me, I agreed to give him his wish that I have sex with another man.

That was a wonderful first experience and I still treasure the memory of that evening and the sensitive, gentle and understanding man who guided me through my nervousness and fear. If he had not been so good for me then, I may never have wanted to try it again.

After that first time, I admit that I was anxious to try it again. I was a little fearful that my husband would have fulfilled his fantasy by my first adventure. Now that I had experienced a different man after all those years, I wanted more. So when my husband asked me about two weeks later if I wanted to try again, it was hard for me not to be too eager!

That was the beginning of my new life. I have had regular "special friends" since then. As time has past, it has become easier for me to spot men who might be interested in me and then I decide whether to flirt and see what happens!

I could not help but notice how hard my husband would get when I returned from being with a friend and started to tell him what naughty things I had been up to. That was really important to my husband, hearing everything.

Also important to him was helping me get ready for a date. He would buy me sexy things and want me to wear them. He would want to help me shave and would tell me how to fix my hair and what earrings and jewelry to choose. One night, he selected a red bra and white panties when I wanted to wear the matching white bra under my white blouse. I must have been short with him and told him to let me pick what I would wear because I saw the hurt look on his face and a sad look in his eyes.

I stopped right there and hugged him hard and tightly. I told him I loved him and asked whether he wanted me to wear another top because I knew the red would show through the white. He changed attitude immediately and agreed that I should change the top. So I got a dark blue top that worked with the black skirt and he was very pleased. To be honest, that was when I realized that what I wore on one of my dates was more important to my husband than it was to the man I was meeting.

Since then, I have let my husband pick, with my contribution being maybe some suggestions for possible combinations. This has worked out much better. He always asked me – yes, every time! – what my date thought of my outfit. So I always ask my date what he thinks and then remember to tell my husband. Every man has said something nice about my attire or has said that he wants to get me out of it as soon as possible. My husband loves either response!

That is another thing I learned. I tell my husband everything as I remember it. I have a girlfriend who is also shared and she makes up wild stuff to tell her husband. I do not embellish or try to make up things to please him. That way I get the facts straight as far as I remember them. The truth is erotic enough to make my husband very happy! It is also more believable than made up stuff.

Now that I have started having sex with other men, it is important to me that I get to keep having other men. Therefore, it is important to me to keep my husband happy and involved, as he is when he helps me decide what to wear. Trial and error has also let me find some other things that really get my husband going. I want to suggest them to other women and ask if you have found things that you could share with me that I can try with my husband.

First, one day I was running late at work and realized that I would not have time to stop and buy condoms before I needed to be home to get ready. I figured that the man would have some but it was a first date so, to be sure, I knew that I needed to bring my own protection. I always stress to men that I want to be on the safe side but a few do not come prepared. I did not want to take a chance.

I was reluctant to call my husband and ask him to pick up some condoms. But I did. I was tentative about asking and he said that he could sense my girlish shyness and that he was only too happy to help out. He asked if he could select the brand? I asked what he knew about them (we don't use them) and he said he thought the brand I was buying was adequate for World War II soldiers on leave but not for me. He reminded me that there are websites selling exotic condoms and he wanted to get something close to that type. I agreed and was just getting out of the shower when he came in, proud of his purchase. We shared a good, long kiss and he told me that he wanted a product appraisal when I got home!

My date that night did have his own but I asked him to try the ones my husband selected. We both liked them! My husband could not wait to hear about the condoms when I got home. Since then, I have also sometimes, if my date is willing, knotted up a condom and brought it home for my husband's inspection. He loves that and sometimes comments on the amount of cum inside. I tell him whether that was the man's first orgasm of the evening.

Another thing that an emergency helped me find was the time my car would not start and I needed to drive across town to a motel for an evening with a gentleman friend I was seeing at the time. I asked my husband if I could take his car but he needed it to run an errand. I said I would call my friend and see if he could pick me up. My husband said he didn't think it was a good idea to have me maybe seen being picked up or dropped off later. He volunteered to drive me to the motel. I wasn't sure that was a good idea but I was running late and agreed.

He was real quiet on the drive and when we got there, I could see that he was aroused. I saw my friend's car and looked for our signal. He would have the draperies closed but a magazine or newspaper propped up between the drapes and the window. I saw the paper and said, that's the room. I kissed my husband goodbye and told him I loved him. I said I would call when he should come get me. He had a sort of almost zombie-like look on his face and said OK. I got out and went to the door, looked back, knocked, and then looked back again when the door opened and my lover for the night stood smiling. I waited a few seconds, just smiling and saying hello, before I went in. I figured maybe my husband would get a look at my date.

When I telephoned to be picked up, my husband just burst out and told me how he had been so excited after seeing the room I would be in, and getting a glimpse of my date, that he could not wait for me and had jerked himself to satisfaction a few times. I loved hearing that!

I made sure my date left the room before I did. He really thought it was incredible that my husband would drive me to and from a motel to meet another man! I waited in the lounge for my husband. He was so hot that we stopped on the way home for a bit of fun!

Later, on other dates when he dropped me off, I realized that he might like to pick me up at the room. The first time he did, I waited and did not straighten the bed or room. When I heard the knock, I opened the door wide and watched him look over my shoulder at the bed, which was very messed up! His jaw dropped and he walked in, touched the sheets and looked in the bathroom at the towels. He checked the wastebasket. He saw two used condoms there. He was in heaven and we slammed the door shut and he took me right there, on the bed I had just shared with my date. It was one of our hottest sessions! We have repeated it many times.

These are things I have found that keep my husband's interest and involvement in my dating. I realize that it is my responsibility to serve my husband's emotional as well as physical needs in this lifestyle because he is really part of every date I have with another man. He started me on this path for needs of his own and now I have found my needs. I need to keep his needs always in my mind.

If anyone has additional things to try, I would like to know because my husband is very good about wanting to experience new things on every level he can. Me too!

by Bev from Upstate New York


  1. hi Bev, my name is Donna. i enjoyed reading your comments on being shared and the responsibilities of the wife in this life style. i was the one to suggest having this lifestyle to my husband after i found myself attracted to a gentleman at the gym who flirted with me often. i did not want to cheat on my husband but, i really wanted to have sex with this man. i told my husband that i was attracted to a man physically but i did not have an emotional interest in him. i just want no strings attached sex with him. i told my husband i wanted to be honest with him about my feelings and i was not going to act on my feelings but, i needed him to know how i felt. i did not understand why i felt it was so necessary to tell my husband, but i felt it was important. i could have kept this to myself and went on like normal. my husband said that he felt the feelings i had were normal and what would be abnormal was to not have occasional attraction to another man. he said how he often would see a woman that was sexy and think on how nice it would be to have sex with her. somewhere in our conversation, he asked if i felt i could have sex with someone and not let it affect our marriage. i honestly told him i didn't know. that would be hard to predict, but i felt that i had enough common sense to know when things were going wrong and then do the right thing. so in the end, he said he understood my desires and would not object if i felt a need to act on them. he just wanted to be kept informed and did not want me to becoming deceiving and dishonest in my relationship with him. so, i flirted with the young man at my gym and we ended up in a motel room. it was great. i told my husband and that night our sex was like it was when we first started going together. my husband was stimulated by my experience and i was just plain hot as the proverbial firecracker. so my contribution, to your comments, is that COMMUNICATION is of paramount importance for couples whether or not they enter this wife sharing lifestyle. what good is a relationship where you can not express your needs or desires. what good is a relationship if you can not be yourself because it might offend your spouse. i have had sex with several other men now and we have met with another couple
    several times and i really enjoyed watching my husband with the wife. it feels good to be attracted sexually to a person and be free to act on that feeling with out fear.

    1. Don't you ever worry about falling for the other guy and what the outcome may be?

  2. I just got done reading your article, and really enjoyed it, thank you. You can see some fun books at where you can also hear the girls read the stories for the same price as a paperback book, but they are reading exotic sexy stories that will get you going!

  3. very hoenst and true wife. i am wondering if hubby would want to watch your sessions with your dates yet?

    1. When my wife and i were swinging back in the 1970s it started off with me watching her or joining in the 3some. Later I felt I wanted the xcitement of her getting done and telling me afterwards. Sometimes a guy we had met before would call round while I was at work and she would phone me while he was doing her.Other times she would go out and come back with a pool of cum in her panties. All this was pre-AIDS so swingers usually bare-backed.

    2. The house was dark and four couples slowly danced around never with their own spouse. My young quiet wife was known by them I was not.
      After a really long while I found myself lying on a carpet with this lady about five years older than me. We talked I'm whispers and soon,amid a lot of kissing, knew each others bodies intimately. We looked over through a partly open door. A distant car turning a corner cast some light through the window.
      What we made my blood surge through my body. My wife's constant dance partner walked slowly across the room she was in. He's fifty eight, a bit older than her own father. Trim, soft spoken, dignified he was stark naked. His pecker jutted out straight in front of him bobbimg slightly with his movement.
      A long silence. My wife's quiet strained voice, 'I'm ready.' A short silence and then her muffled voice, 'ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, I like it,ooh I like it.
      My understanding partner and I stripped naked, and I squirted off too soon. She got me worked up again and I soon had her a naked sweaty mass of delicious flesh.
      Driving homy silent wife wiped sweat from her forehead.
      That night I slept on the couch. Late the next morning we got into an everlasting embrace, then off to the Waffle House.
      Our only comment about the previous night,! " ,He played me like a musical instrument. " "She licked my ear while constricting her vagina millimg me dry."

  4. I have always encouraged my wife to have sex if she meet a guy she fancied. She was always a shy person and didn't know how to cope with that comment. One day she meet an old school friend he asked her out to talk about old times. She asked me I said sure. He contacted me and said thanks for letting her with him meet I said not a problem have fun he asked what did you mean I said if you want to lay her it's between you two I have no problems if you do. Well they meet had a few drinks he asked her back to his motel after talking for a long time they ended up in bed and had sex. He asked her out again and suggested she meet his friends . He asked me if that was a problem I said it's her choice. She did tell me they had sex I said I'm ok as long as your ok with it. She asked would I mind if she meet him again next time he is in town I said sure. He told me he had arranged for a few of his friends to meet her he said she was ok with that. they went back to his room and all had her. She was very hesitant to tell me not knowing he had already told me. she did and was really upset I told her it was ok and as long as she was ok I didn't have a problem about every six months he flies in they all meet and have a nights fun. It hasn't made any difference to our relationship . Her parents had been very strict on her as a young girl I see this as her catching up.

  5. Sad. What you really want is for your husband to be a man, but for whatever reason he became weak and so you find other men to fill the gap. It's an inversion of the natural order. My wife and I have amazing sex and if another man so much as laid a finger on her sexually I would chop it off. I would never encourage her to be with another man. And if she ever suggested it (not that she ever would), she would be moving out and signing a divorce paper beforehand. And it is just that strength that drives her crazy--knowing that I want her enough that I would fight someone to have her. Sure you can stir up his emotions by cheating, try to make him realize what he's missing. You can even delude yourself into thinking you are helping your relationship. Nope, you are just bringing STDs into your marriage and keeping your husband in the pathetic state he has been all along. Here is a message to any wife out there--if your "husband" ever suggests that you cheat on him, please direct him to someone like me who can talk some sense into him, and show him how to be a real man.

    1. Judge and be judged. What an insecure man you are. This is not your thing so you should stay away from partaking in discussion.

    2. Here is lies the problem. Some men see their wife as "their" territory. If someone has sex with the wife it is viewed as an intrusion into their territory and by extension an insult to their power.

  6. Bev,

    Thank you for your contribution on hints for shared wives, my partner and I being together for 33 years feel we know each other well enough to trust each other with our feels, spiritually emotionally and physically

  7. My wife when I married her had only been with one man, her first husband for 16 yrs. She knew I had let a few of my exes be shared and asked how two people in love could do that. I explained there's a difference between love and lust and making love and having sex. After we started dating and she married me she told me her sexual fantasies of fucking 2 men at once and trying a black man. I told her my fantasy of having a slutwife and she told me she was a slut but was never allowed to be one. I told her I would let her be if I was there with her and she told me she'd love to be my fantasy wife. 3weeks after our wedding she begged me to let her fuck me and a friend of ours. I told her as long as she could handle it and she said she could. I watched her enjoying another man's cock stretching out her pussy as she sucked my cock. After all of us were fucked out she started crying and asked how I could enjoy watching another man pleasure her. I explained I got a mental orgasm as I watched the woman that loved me cum again and again on another man's cock and I knew I was the one she loved and would go home with, telling her how beautiful she looked as she orgasmed on a bigger cock stretching her tight hole and then I tongue fucked her telling her how much I loved her. It took a couple years before I got her to try it again and then another year of talking before she let me fulfill another fantasy of hers by finding a well hung black man to fuck her. She really went wild as she watched his big black cock plunging in and out of her tight white pussy and after they were done I joined in to finish her for the night. The next morning she told me how much fun she had and if I wanted, "we can fuck other men at least 2 times a month if that's ok. " I told her I'd love that and she told me she'd love to fuck black men on a regular basis if she could. I told her I was good with that and she's fucked black men and other races often since then. I love how easily I can tongue fuck her gaping hole afterwards and love feeling her pussy full of other men's cum. I know no matter how much she may enjoy other men's cocks I'm the only one she loves and goes home with and she won't fuck another man without me being there to enjoy her pleasure with. She knows I love her and we will grow old together and she can fuck any man she wants to without any guilt or shame. She's my fantasy wife and loves being my cock loving slutwife.

  8. My wife and I had only had sex with each other until about 4 months after we married. Long story short - we had too much to drink and two much older men helped us to our hotel room and then helped themselves to my wife.

    Although she resisted at first, she did give in and experienced the best sex of her life. I was shocked that I found it so exciting. After this she was mortified, but I reassured her of my love. I set up similar situations in the hopes that there would be a re=enactment; and there were some. Although she would not admit it, at first, but she loved these older, controlling, dominant men. She got complete sexual satisfaction with them. I am not dominant and could not satisfy that role.

    Do I encouraged her to "date" other men whenever a suitable situation arose. To show my support, I would drive her to her dates if necessary, buy condoms for her men, buy outfits for her to wear for her dates to excite them, shave her and prepare her for those dates.

    I loved seeing my wife return from her dates clearly having been used. I loved it more when I would have to go and collect her at the place where the tryst took place and see for the first time the man who had taken my wife and suffer the thrilling humiliation of either his condescending attitude and/or his comments about how he enjoyed taking my wife for his own pleasure.

    I thought I could not deny my wife what she needed so dearly and I could not provide, and, in return, I got a sexually satisfied wife who loved me for my support

    1. I should note that my wife gave in after she was spanked by one of the men. I think this brought out her latent submissiveness.

    2. Sorry for doing this piece meal, but after posting, I have thought that perhaps fleshing out the story a bit more may help. The first man in my wife’s life was obviously her father, who was a strict and domineering man. In fact, I was her escape from that. I am really laid back and considerate of my wife and her feelings. However, once, before we were married, when she was under the influence of alcohol, she said, by way of complaint, that the only time I was a bastard to her was when I would tell her that I would not be one. I tossed this off as a drunken statement that she did not really mean (in fact, I did not remember any conversation like that). I thought that one does not mistreat a person that you love. So I gave no more thought to it until later, after her first extramarital sex.

      Another factor was that my wife was brought up to believe that sex was a sin. After we married, we did not burn up the sheets, which I attributed to her strict religious upbringing. Not only did she have feelings of guilt, but it was hard for her to let go and think I would still feel fine about her and she could feel ok about herself not being a slut. Her first extramarital experience was one where she felt she was not in control. Hence, she was free to enjoy without her guilt getting in the way. She had 3 orgasms while having intercourse with these men. With the first one, she came when he entered her bare back and when he inseminated her. She came with the second man when he inseminated her. With me, she would cum about 15% of the time during vaginal intercourse.

      When I would set up a similar circumstance, getting a hotel room and going to the bar (these times leaving her alone at the bar for a time), she would rebuff younger, age appropriate, good looking men, but would be receptive to older and, often, unattractive men. I thought perhaps that these were like the men who took her married pussy for the first time so she was subconsciously seeking to replicate that experience. Now I believe it had an effect in her subconscious – it was a manifestation that she was not looking to have sex. If she were, she would have chosen one of the young, attractive men (my wife is very well built and attractive, she could have her choice). If sex did happen, she could tell herself that she had not chosen it; so it expiated her guilt. Another factor, I believe, is that it appealed to her moral upbringing – it was an act of charity or mercy to provide these poor men with something that they probably did not get so often. So it was complex.

      After each successive time after the first where she submitted to another man, she would feel guilty and vow that it would not happen again. She somehow did not blame me for setting things in motion. Finally, she went to a “therapist” (I think he was a defrocked psychologist. Today he might be called a life coach). With his help he brought her to see that she had a need for older, dominant men in order to achieve a satisfying sex life. I saw it as an entitlement. So with his help and my support (I even exchanged new marriage vows wife in his office), she was able to overcome her moral scruples and embrace her submissive side with other men. I told her that if she ever wanted to date anyone or have sex with anyone, she was free to do so and it would not be breaking our new marital vows.

  9. Thereafter, she did accept sexual dates. This was aside from our regular cuckolding activity. I would often take her to the other man. The first time I drove her to a motel for a sex date with a man I had never met, I pulled into a space in front of the door number he had given her. I sat in the car, waiting for my wife to exit when she asked me if I was going to walk her to the door. I was surprised but reflectively said, yes, of course (as though it were the most normal thing), even though I thought it would be a bit awkward. When we got to the door, my wife stepped back so I had to knock. When it was answered, both the man and I were surprised. Considering our history, I should not have expected much of the man, but in my mind’s eye I envisioned at least a large, masculine man worthy of my wife. Instead, I saw this small, balding, unattractive man with thick glasses and a little pot belly. He looked and saw my wife with me. It appeared that he shrunk; he must have been thinking that I had come to give him a beating for suggesting that my wife provide him with sexual pleasure.

    There was dead silence. He looked quite frightened, and I thought I should explain to fill the void. I told him I was his date’s husband and had just brought her over to him. Relief flooded over his face at my extraordinary admission. Then he got a malicious grin. He quickly realized that he was in control and probably wanted to get back at me for giving him a fright or to get back at someone like me for all the bullying he must have experienced in his life. His attitude changed immediately, acting like he was some nobleman and I was his serf. Well then, he said with a condescending sneer, bring her in for me. I did and closed the door. When I turned back, I saw him standing there, all 5’ 3” with his legs spread and his fists on his hips and a grin on his face. He was in charge and knew it.

    “Well, well, well, so you are the husband?”


    “Show some respect, after all, you are bringing her to me to give her something you cannot, right? So call me Sir.”

    To my utter shame, I told this little man, “Yes Sir.”

    This brought a chortle of triumph by him. I hung my head, shocked at my subservience. He then asked me if I understood that my wife was there so he could give her a proper fucking, which I apparently could not. He made me answer in the affirmative and address him as my superior. It was so odd, this physically inferior man, taking control of me. He commanded me to undress my wife and present her to him, which I meekly complied with. I presented my nude wife to this little man and he proceeded to kiss her and fondle her. Then he told me to get my wife ready. I knelt and licked her pussy, which was already wet. He told me to undress him, which I did. Shortly after that, he commanded me to get him ready even though he was already rock hard (and why not, here he was, a once in a lifetime opportunity for someone like him, with a young, well built, attractive willing wife). For the first time I had a cock in my mouth. However, it was only for a short time. He wanted to humiliate me even further. He told my wife to get on the bed and spread her legs. He commanded me to insert his penis into my wife. To my shame, I did as he told me. Once firmly entrenched in my wife’s vagina, he told me to leave. I did, looking back to see him thrusting into my wife. My wife pulled him down to kiss him and I went out the door.


    1. To say I was surprised by my capitulation is an understatement. I was shocked to finally understand that I had a submissive streak in me too. Hence, I was the perfect cuckold husband. Not only did I understand that my wife was entitled to have sex with other men, but I knew that other men were more entitled than I to have sex with my wife, that I would have to stand aside if another man wanted to have sex with my wife. So I completely supported my wife in her extramarital affairs and even facilitated her having sex with other men, including, as noted above, doing whatever I was ordered to do.

    2. Truth can be stranger than fiction as they say...