Sunday, December 20, 2009

Hints for shared wives

Once I got past the idea that my husband was a pervert or something because he wanted to share me, I agreed to give him his wish that I have sex with another man.

That was a wonderful first experience and I still treasure the memory of that evening and the sensitive, gentle and understanding man who guided me through my nervousness and fear. If he had not been so good for me then, I may never have wanted to try it again.

After that first time, I admit that I was anxious to try it again. I was a little fearful that my husband would have fulfilled his fantasy by my first adventure. Now that I had experienced a different man after all those years, I wanted more. So when my husband asked me about two weeks later if I wanted to try again, it was hard for me not to be too eager!

That was the beginning of my new life. I have had regular "special friends" since then. As time has past, it has become easier for me to spot men who might be interested in me and then I decide whether to flirt and see what happens!

I could not help but notice how hard my husband would get when I returned from being with a friend and started to tell him what naughty things I had been up to. That was really important to my husband, hearing everything.

Also important to him was helping me get ready for a date. He would buy me sexy things and want me to wear them. He would want to help me shave and would tell me how to fix my hair and what earrings and jewelry to choose. One night, he selected a red bra and white panties when I wanted to wear the matching white bra under my white blouse. I must have been short with him and told him to let me pick what I would wear because I saw the hurt look on his face and a sad look in his eyes.

I stopped right there and hugged him hard and tightly. I told him I loved him and asked whether he wanted me to wear another top because I knew the red would show through the white. He changed attitude immediately and agreed that I should change the top. So I got a dark blue top that worked with the black skirt and he was very pleased. To be honest, that was when I realized that what I wore on one of my dates was more important to my husband than it was to the man I was meeting.

Since then, I have let my husband pick, with my contribution being maybe some suggestions for possible combinations. This has worked out much better. He always asked me – yes, every time! – what my date thought of my outfit. So I always ask my date what he thinks and then remember to tell my husband. Every man has said something nice about my attire or has said that he wants to get me out of it as soon as possible. My husband loves either response!

That is another thing I learned. I tell my husband everything as I remember it. I have a girlfriend who is also shared and she makes up wild stuff to tell her husband. I do not embellish or try to make up things to please him. That way I get the facts straight as far as I remember them. The truth is erotic enough to make my husband very happy! It is also more believable than made up stuff.

Now that I have started having sex with other men, it is important to me that I get to keep having other men. Therefore, it is important to me to keep my husband happy and involved, as he is when he helps me decide what to wear. Trial and error has also let me find some other things that really get my husband going. I want to suggest them to other women and ask if you have found things that you could share with me that I can try with my husband.

First, one day I was running late at work and realized that I would not have time to stop and buy condoms before I needed to be home to get ready. I figured that the man would have some but it was a first date so, to be sure, I knew that I needed to bring my own protection. I always stress to men that I want to be on the safe side but a few do not come prepared. I did not want to take a chance.

I was reluctant to call my husband and ask him to pick up some condoms. But I did. I was tentative about asking and he said that he could sense my girlish shyness and that he was only too happy to help out. He asked if he could select the brand? I asked what he knew about them (we don't use them) and he said he thought the brand I was buying was adequate for World War II soldiers on leave but not for me. He reminded me that there are websites selling exotic condoms and he wanted to get something close to that type. I agreed and was just getting out of the shower when he came in, proud of his purchase. We shared a good, long kiss and he told me that he wanted a product appraisal when I got home!

My date that night did have his own but I asked him to try the ones my husband selected. We both liked them! My husband could not wait to hear about the condoms when I got home. Since then, I have also sometimes, if my date is willing, knotted up a condom and brought it home for my husband's inspection. He loves that and sometimes comments on the amount of cum inside. I tell him whether that was the man's first orgasm of the evening.

Another thing that an emergency helped me find was the time my car would not start and I needed to drive across town to a motel for an evening with a gentleman friend I was seeing at the time. I asked my husband if I could take his car but he needed it to run an errand. I said I would call my friend and see if he could pick me up. My husband said he didn't think it was a good idea to have me maybe seen being picked up or dropped off later. He volunteered to drive me to the motel. I wasn't sure that was a good idea but I was running late and agreed.

He was real quiet on the drive and when we got there, I could see that he was aroused. I saw my friend's car and looked for our signal. He would have the draperies closed but a magazine or newspaper propped up between the drapes and the window. I saw the paper and said, that's the room. I kissed my husband goodbye and told him I loved him. I said I would call when he should come get me. He had a sort of almost zombie-like look on his face and said OK. I got out and went to the door, looked back, knocked, and then looked back again when the door opened and my lover for the night stood smiling. I waited a few seconds, just smiling and saying hello, before I went in. I figured maybe my husband would get a look at my date.

When I telephoned to be picked up, my husband just burst out and told me how he had been so excited after seeing the room I would be in, and getting a glimpse of my date, that he could not wait for me and had jerked himself to satisfaction a few times. I loved hearing that!

I made sure my date left the room before I did. He really thought it was incredible that my husband would drive me to and from a motel to meet another man! I waited in the lounge for my husband. He was so hot that we stopped on the way home for a bit of fun!

Later, on other dates when he dropped me off, I realized that he might like to pick me up at the room. The first time he did, I waited and did not straighten the bed or room. When I heard the knock, I opened the door wide and watched him look over my shoulder at the bed, which was very messed up! His jaw dropped and he walked in, touched the sheets and looked in the bathroom at the towels. He checked the wastebasket. He saw two used condoms there. He was in heaven and we slammed the door shut and he took me right there, on the bed I had just shared with my date. It was one of our hottest sessions! We have repeated it many times.

These are things I have found that keep my husband's interest and involvement in my dating. I realize that it is my responsibility to serve my husband's emotional as well as physical needs in this lifestyle because he is really part of every date I have with another man. He started me on this path for needs of his own and now I have found my needs. I need to keep his needs always in my mind.

If anyone has additional things to try, I would like to know because my husband is very good about wanting to experience new things on every level he can. Me too!

by Bev from Upstate New York


  1. hi Bev, my name is Donna. i enjoyed reading your comments on being shared and the responsibilities of the wife in this life style. i was the one to suggest having this lifestyle to my husband after i found myself attracted to a gentleman at the gym who flirted with me often. i did not want to cheat on my husband but, i really wanted to have sex with this man. i told my husband that i was attracted to a man physically but i did not have an emotional interest in him. i just want no strings attached sex with him. i told my husband i wanted to be honest with him about my feelings and i was not going to act on my feelings but, i needed him to know how i felt. i did not understand why i felt it was so necessary to tell my husband, but i felt it was important. i could have kept this to myself and went on like normal. my husband said that he felt the feelings i had were normal and what would be abnormal was to not have occasional attraction to another man. he said how he often would see a woman that was sexy and think on how nice it would be to have sex with her. somewhere in our conversation, he asked if i felt i could have sex with someone and not let it affect our marriage. i honestly told him i didn't know. that would be hard to predict, but i felt that i had enough common sense to know when things were going wrong and then do the right thing. so in the end, he said he understood my desires and would not object if i felt a need to act on them. he just wanted to be kept informed and did not want me to becoming deceiving and dishonest in my relationship with him. so, i flirted with the young man at my gym and we ended up in a motel room. it was great. i told my husband and that night our sex was like it was when we first started going together. my husband was stimulated by my experience and i was just plain hot as the proverbial firecracker. so my contribution, to your comments, is that COMMUNICATION is of paramount importance for couples whether or not they enter this wife sharing lifestyle. what good is a relationship where you can not express your needs or desires. what good is a relationship if you can not be yourself because it might offend your spouse. i have had sex with several other men now and we have met with another couple
    several times and i really enjoyed watching my husband with the wife. it feels good to be attracted sexually to a person and be free to act on that feeling with out fear.

    1. Don't you ever worry about falling for the other guy and what the outcome may be?

  2. I just got done reading your article, and really enjoyed it, thank you. You can see some fun books at where you can also hear the girls read the stories for the same price as a paperback book, but they are reading exotic sexy stories that will get you going!

  3. very hoenst and true wife. i am wondering if hubby would want to watch your sessions with your dates yet?

    1. When my wife and i were swinging back in the 1970s it started off with me watching her or joining in the 3some. Later I felt I wanted the xcitement of her getting done and telling me afterwards. Sometimes a guy we had met before would call round while I was at work and she would phone me while he was doing her.Other times she would go out and come back with a pool of cum in her panties. All this was pre-AIDS so swingers usually bare-backed.

  4. I have always encouraged my wife to have sex if she meet a guy she fancied. She was always a shy person and didn't know how to cope with that comment. One day she meet an old school friend he asked her out to talk about old times. She asked me I said sure. He contacted me and said thanks for letting her with him meet I said not a problem have fun he asked what did you mean I said if you want to lay her it's between you two I have no problems if you do. Well they meet had a few drinks he asked her back to his motel after talking for a long time they ended up in bed and had sex. He asked her out again and suggested she meet his friends . He asked me if that was a problem I said it's her choice. She did tell me they had sex I said I'm ok as long as your ok with it. She asked would I mind if she meet him again next time he is in town I said sure. He told me he had arranged for a few of his friends to meet her he said she was ok with that. they went back to his room and all had her. She was very hesitant to tell me not knowing he had already told me. she did and was really upset I told her it was ok and as long as she was ok I didn't have a problem about every six months he flies in they all meet and have a nights fun. It hasn't made any difference to our relationship . Her parents had been very strict on her as a young girl I see this as her catching up.

  5. Sad. What you really want is for your husband to be a man, but for whatever reason he became weak and so you find other men to fill the gap. It's an inversion of the natural order. My wife and I have amazing sex and if another man so much as laid a finger on her sexually I would chop it off. I would never encourage her to be with another man. And if she ever suggested it (not that she ever would), she would be moving out and signing a divorce paper beforehand. And it is just that strength that drives her crazy--knowing that I want her enough that I would fight someone to have her. Sure you can stir up his emotions by cheating, try to make him realize what he's missing. You can even delude yourself into thinking you are helping your relationship. Nope, you are just bringing STDs into your marriage and keeping your husband in the pathetic state he has been all along. Here is a message to any wife out there--if your "husband" ever suggests that you cheat on him, please direct him to someone like me who can talk some sense into him, and show him how to be a real man.

  6. Bev,

    Thank you for your contribution on hints for shared wives, my partner and I being together for 33 years feel we know each other well enough to trust each other with our feels, spiritually emotionally and physically